Long Time, No Blog - Part 1

It's been a long time since my last blog, lol, I feel like I'm going to confession.

The past few months have been pretty insane. Since Brian lost his job last December our life has been a roller coaster. (Note: Not blaming him just explaining the timing. It actually worked out great he lost his old job and has a great new job!) But since he lost his job we had to change preschools for the boys which turned into a nightmare for my oldest. Thankfully the teachers at the school were very patient and wanted to help him. His brother did great but is much younger as well as more adaptable. His teachers suggested we contact the public school system to have him evaluated. We did and was told we suck at parenting, read a book and try again next fall. Fan-freakin-tastic. Well we didn't take that for an answer and found someone to evaluate him on our dime. Boy am I glad I did, we finally got what is going on. He definitely has ADHD, anxiety and has a very high IQ. Of course looking into this I find that combo has a high tendency towards drugs, ugh, I can now never ever let him out of my sight. He'll be 30 and I'll be following him around. I can't even let him go to college because I know what goes on there.

Now we know this what the heck do we do with all this information?? The school social worker wants to meet with him but that was a month ago, the child will be in college by the time they ever meet. We decided to once again find our own answer and therapist. Of course insurance won't pay but it has to be done. I really really don't want to medicate him so we need to try everything we can to help him now. Our main focus is to help with the anxiety, I think once that is under control the rest should fall into place but with a lot of hard work on all sides. He knows something is going on and I really think he's willing to give the ideas a try. I hope we can give him the right tools now to cope in his life later.

He's doing great in kindergarten and has already finished their curriculum. Thankfully his teacher gets him and is pushing him to go further not just extra busy work! He loves writing in his journal and is making up his own adventure stories. He loves school and loves sports (soccer, basketball and swimming, not all at one time). I'm so proud of him!!

to be continued........

Unbelievable

I'm fortunate enough that I can work from home two days a week. I have the two boys home with me since summer has stated. they get to play outside most of the day while I watch them and get my work done. It works out quite nicely and all are happy!!

Today we had a great day. They played on the playscape coloring it with chalk and I worked in the kitchen while watching my two love bugs. I made grill cheese sandwiches and we had a picnic outside drinking lemonade and eating our sandwiches, lazily watching the clouds go by. This was followed by some serious swinging on the swings. What a beautiful and relaxing day. They cleaned up the yard and came in for naps and a movie.

After naps we got ready to go for swim lessons with a quick trip to the library to find books on jet planes.

On the way to the library I notice at the center of town the road to the left is closed by the state troopers. I figure there must have been a tree down (lots of rain) or a bad accident. I wasn't going that way so thought very little about it. I get to the library and the parking lot is empty. I figure it's a Monday afternoon so there's nothing to it. I get my two small children out of my car and walk up to the library door. It's locked with a sign that says closed due to an emergency. It's a small town library with limited staff so I figure somebody most have gotten sick. I think to myself I hope they will be well. I let the boys play around a bit on the benches and poke slowly back to the car since we are now early for the lessons. While we are being silly outside two people stop by and try to get in. The librarian opens the door to them and turns them away. The hurriedly go back to thier cars looking at me and my boys but not a word is said to us.

I finally gather my brood back into the car and start towards the swim lessons. The roads still blocked but doesn't impeded our progress. All the major buildings in our towm are pretty much in walking distance, that is the town hall, library, post office, school and bank. I drive by the bank and it's completely roped off with numerous state trooper cars and I finally notice the helicopters and planes flying overhead.

Here's were I completely lose my cool. Apparently there was a bank robbery and the freakin suspect ran away on foot. The town was on lock down. I mean come on. I'm a resident with two small children and no one said a word to me that my family was in danger??????????????

I'm fuming. I want to start making calls and don't know who to. Brian doesn't see it as anything big. Really???????????????? What was wrong with that librarian? Yes, my youngest did once tear apart the children section but is that anyreason not to warn us??

Seriously, how unbelievable is that??????????

Brothers

So we are learning about the brotherly dynamics around here. A definite love hate relationship between my two sons. They always want to be together but can't stand when they are in each others space.

Hunter is always looking up to big brother and wants to do everything he does. If Hunter gets a sticker, he always makes sure his big brother gets one as well.

The other day Hunter grabbed a balloon that belonged to Alex, ran outside and let it go. Alex was devastated. We got the balloon at a restaurant we went to after kindergarten orientation and they gave it to him as a special gift. I have never seen Alex so upset.

The next morning the boys were downstairs watching TV together. Alex came running upstairs to look to see what hunter did. We go down and our lovely Hunter got hold of a pen and drew all over our leather coach. The swirls were very artistic and the rice flour he grabbed to hide the writing really added to the whole scene. I would have taken a picture but Brian's head was about to blow up. It really takes a lot for him to get upset and this really did it. Anyway, we found out Alex tried to stop his brother and tried to clean up after him so he wouldn't get in trouble. Did I mention the water everywhere mixed with the rice flour and ink.

So one moment they are ready to kill each other and the next big brother is trying to cover up little brothers mess. It was strange to comprehend all this. At first I just wanted to scream at them then I took a step back and really looked at what was happening. they are really little human beings finding their way in this great huge world. They will torment one another but in the end I hope they will always be there to help one another.

Stamps anyone?

We started getting back into hiking last year. We have some great trails near our house. One is the airline trail and I'm now discovering many many more. Our town started a Hike and Go Seek. There are 5 trails we need to take a clues that help us find an object we record on a "score" card. The first trail we did the clues led us to a letter box. Well when my 5 year old found a box hidden that contained a stamp and ink pad he was besides himself. He had been balking at the idea of "walking" and it was "stupid". Well this now has turned him into liking hiking. He now wants his own stamp and keeps asking to find more trails with stamps.

I heard about letterboxing a while ago but never had time. It seemed fun to follow clues and find boxes hidden away on beautiful trails but just wanted to enjoy hiking without the quest. Apparently we will now be letterboxing. Alex has already figured out his and his brothers stamps.

Today Alex and I played hookie from school and work and we decided to complete one of the hikes on our own. There were two trails we could have taken one very short and the other was quite a hike (get it?). The longer one's quest was a letter box and he decided that we MUST do that one. We spent almost 2 hours hiking to and from the box. What a special time I had with him!! He read all the trail markers to ensure we were going the right way and always kept us on course. We discussed evolution and he corrected me when I mistakenly said dinosaurs aren't real (I meant they are extinct) and he corrected me. We also found the most beautiful beaver pond full of wildlife. We saw trees cut down by the beavers and explore the teeth marks and examine remnant wood chips from the beaver activity. It was truly nature at it's finest. I was even scared by a wood duck.

I think letter boxing is going to be a major factor to get Alex out on the trails without to much fuss.

Happy Hiking Everyone!!!

Deep Sigh

Well, Alex had soccer today and it was as if had been playing with those other kids for years. He did a great job. It was like he found his place. He listened to the coaches, paid attention and followed through with everything. Of course this was his first time ever playing but it was so wonderful to see his smiling face on the field.

As we were walking to the car to go home I said to him "You did a real good job!" He says to me "I know." I'll need to work on his modesty a bit.

Holding My Breath

So I guess it's happening, I have become a soccer mom.

Alex has been taking swim lessons weekly since October. He's starting soccer on Saturday which now conflicts with his last swim lesson. I'm hoping for rain so he can complete his swimming and then start soccer next Saturday.

I'm holding my breath that he takes to soccer. I need to have him have an outlet for his unending energy. He hates following directions and can never be told what to do. I always need to direct him to make things his ideas in order to get things done or there are major tantrums from both of us. Still trying to figure out where he gets his stubbornness.

He has been asking to learn how to play soccer for two years now. I really hope he likes it. I hope the coaches are there because they want to be there. I need this to be an incredible thing for him.

Swimming he's not too excited about but he needs to learn to be around the water because we go canoeing and hopefully kayaking in the future. We also go hiking near rivers so I will not budge on swim lessons they are a must!

So I'm holding my breath that this soccer program will live up to his expectations.

Back Seat Driver

I had some errands to run and it was just me and my youngest. I haven't been out with him in about 6 months because he was 2 and would never listen. At home he is super sweet, loving, helpful, listens, etc. When I would go out with him and I would come home exhausted because he would run, clear shelves, not get in his car seat, scream, basically he became an animal when we went out. I feared any time I needed to go out in public with him because I never knew what adventure he would bring. He just turned 2.5 a couple weeks ago. I had to go get milk and it was just me and him. I sucked it up and took him into a store. He followed me like he was my shadow. I asked him to not touch anything and he obeyed. How cool was this? I am free again. I am no longer chained to the house. H and I can finally take off together and have fun and actaully do complete shopping trips. A whole new world has opened before us.

Saturday I took advantage of my new freedom. A and Dad went off to swim lessons so H and I went to run some errands. Usually I have the radio on and we are singing. This day for some reason I never turned on the radio. We live in New England so there is no such thing as straight flat roads. As I am driving through town I hear from the backseat, woooooooooooooooo, uh-oooohhhhh and HEEE-HAAAWWW. I look in the backseat and notice H has a look on his face that someone on a rollercoaster has right before tha first drop.

I realize that I can drive a little bit on the aggressive side but I felt the comentary from the backseat was a bit unnecessary. The Woooooooo and uh-oooooohhhhh, came out as we were descending a rather narrow,steep, curvy road. Perhaps this is why he no longer fights me when I put him in the carseat. The Heee-haaawwww came out when I had to quickly pull into traffic from side street. Heee-haaawwww ? Where does that come from? I felt like I was watching an old episode of the Dukes of Hazard. I'm wondering if Brian is secretly letting him watch that or coaching him on responses to Mommy's driving.

At least I have my companion again (after 6 long months) I'll work on the driving or just turn the radio on again.

Jimmy Fund Walk

I got an email today to tell me that it was time to start coordinating my team for the Jimmy Fund Walk.

The Jimmy Fund provides compassionate care while continuing its research to improve the chances of survival for cancer patients worldwide.

This will be the third year that I participate in the walk. Last year two weeks before the walk I had lunch with a friend who had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was told his cancer was inoperable and only had a few months. His diagnosis was almost 6 years ago, he's now married and expecting his first child any day now. He was a patient at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute which is supported by the funds raised by the Jimmy Fund. If it wasn't for the research done I wouldn't have had lunch with him and he wouldn't be anxiously waiting for his first child.

The death of my father to prostate cancer is what prompted me to get involved with an organization that did research and provided patients and their families with an environment of great caring. His initial prognosis was 6 months, he passed away almost exactly 3 years after his diagnosis. If it had not been for cancer research my father would not have meet three of his grandsons along with spending summers on the beach with our family, and so many other events that occurred in those three years. that's why I chose to support the Jimmy Fund and Dana Farber Cancer Institute.


Another reason I chose the Jimmy Fund Walk was as I was looking for something to do with all the energy after my Dad died I had and decided to use it to do some good. My friend Mel and I started looking up different causes, I came across the Jimmy Fund Walk. It really struck me because it was on my Dad's birthday (see all the signs around us). I looked into the Jimmy Fund and what the organization does and knew it was the prefect fit. Below is a picture of the sign at the walk I wrote on in tribute to him for his birthday.

Please help support cancer research and the institutions that provide comfort to patients and families. Cancer is not an individual illness, it impacts the lives of everyone.


Please take a peak at my website: http://www.jimmyfundwalk.org/sarahberube. If you can make a donation every dollar makes a difference.

If you or anyone you know are in the Boston area and want to join my team or even become a virtual team member of the Pop Walk Team join up!!


Feel free to pass this on to anyone else who will want to help conquer cancer.

Remembering Mark

Mark would have been 43 this year. He was killed in April 1982 when his bike lost it's brakes while going through a very dangerous and busy intersection. He had not been wearing a helmet since there was no law.


Mark was what I considered my brother. He was my Dad's son from his first marriage. I had known Mark since I was 4 years old and when he died at 16, I was 8. He always treated me as a sister even though our parents had not been married at the time. He protected me from my other brother's when they would pick on me, he would always make sure I got the piece of pizza I wanted. We would go roller skating and he never ever ignored me even if he was trying to spend time with his girlfriend. When we were in the car, usually 5 kids and two parents in a little Chevy Malibu, he would let me sit on his lap when the other boys were trying to scoot me on the floor or the back window(no kid safety standards back in the dark ages, lol). He always cared for me even though I was not technically his sister.


Mark on the other hand was an entrepreneur and a bit of a terror. He picked on his younger brother relentlessly. Stories have him selling ($5) rides in my Dad's old pick up truck down the grass part of the projects he lived in. This helped buy the motor he needed for a go-cart he was building and would later chase down the other boys. He also loved BB guns and his favorite target was his little brother (poor Todd).

I was devastated when he died. I can remember it was a Sunday morning when I was told. I was playing in my room with my stuffed animals "Little House on the Prairie" when my Mother called me into her room. I can remember sitting on her bed and can still see the purpley flowers on her bedspread. She was still in her nightgown which was odd since it Sunday and we should have been getting ready for church. Mark was supposed to have spent Saturday with his Dad and brother (He had custody of the kids on the weekends). Mark had just turned 16 and really wanted to spend time with his friends. My father reluctantly agreed, a decision he forever regretted. My Dad and Todd spent the day with us like they had for almost the past three years. When my Dad brought Todd home there were police cars and a mangled bike under the bridge. My Dad recognized the bike. That's really all I was ever told of the story. My Dad would visit Mark in the cemetery at least once a week( at least that is all we knew about) until he could no longer could get into a car.

When my Dad died, my mother and I were with him. There was a tiny tear as he died and we like to believe that he was crying because he was happy to finally be with Mark again.

The kids at school where incredibly cruel. They would sing "Another One Bites the Dust" when I would walk by, and one girl took it upon herself to pick on me when ever the teacher turned her back. I must have appeared vulnerable and weak because of his death. It's amazing how hurtful human beings could be to one another.


When I got to high school I happened to have gotten his math book and another book he had taken out while doing research in the high school. Our high school was pretty big and he was 8 years older than me so I always thought what a strange coincidence it was to keep having these "run ins" with him. Also my college roommate and Mark shared the same birthday. It was also the same day my Memere passed away. It was like something always brought him up and he can never be forgotten.


I have always believed there is some reason for things to happen. Death has never been one of those thing I can understand especially the death of a 16 year old boy. Year s after Mark had died I was in college and went to visit a friend of mine. She was about 10 years older than me but I had known her since I was 8. The night I went to visit her she told me about a friend of hers. Her friend was a girl whose mother had died when she was very young. She was raised by her father and brothers. They treated her terribly and expected her to clean and feed them all. She never was able to be a little girl. She had met Mark and they had been dating ( she was the girlfriend at the roller rink). Mark treated her like a princess. He treated her the way her family should have, he loved and respected her. He had given her a teddy bear, her first ever. My friend told me the girl cherished that gift and her time with Mark. She was able to overcome her families cruelty all because of one 16 year old boy. Maybe that was his reason for being here for that incredibly short time.

Frogs

I decided to join Frogwatch USA. We have swampy marshy land right outside our door so I figured our site should be pretty easy to monitor. I also want to find pollywogs. I haven't seen a "wild" pollywog since I was about 10. Of course that was on a side rode near the Projects near my house, please don't tell my mother I left the neighborhood.

I'm really excited about this. My original purpose in life (what I went to college for) was to be an ecologist and study the environment and save those darn oily ducks. But life lead my down a different path so this is a great way to supplement my first true love(other than Brian), nature. I hope others will join, it'll be fun and helpful.

Here's a few of the frogs we'll be looking for:

American Bullfrog













Spring Peeper

American Toad


Grey Treefrog

Overachiever

Alex just turned 5 in December. He gives everyone a real hard time. I think he's trying to find his limits with individuals (isn't that a great Mom answer to not behaving well.)

In his pre-school he did great with one teacher who was like a drill Sergent, she whipped us all into shape. If she told you to do something you did it. Alex flourished in her class. Alex REALLY knew his limits with her.

He is now in an Advanced Pre-K class and has horrible days. This teacher is a complete push over. She does not gain the respect of these kids at all (or the parents).

Alex is always getting into some type of trouble. It's usually because he doesn't want to do what the teacher has scheduled. (Kindergarten is going to be loads of fun, huh)

The other day I walk in to his class to pick him up and the teacher is just sitting and there is Alex teaching the class how to build knights helmets of his own design. There were 5(ages 3-5) kids completely engaged in what he was telling them to do. He first had them measure their heads, then carefully cut out the various pieces, glue together , etc. We had to leave so he had me write detailed instructions for the teacher to give when he was gone. I asked the teacher where he got the design and idea and she says it was all him. Maybe he's my little engineer.

Yesterday I go to pick him up and the class had discussed space. They had colored astronauts and taped them to paper towel roles for a 3D effect. All the kids astronauts are lined up but one. One of the children designed a rocket ship for their astronaut to fly into space in, can you guess who?
Alex thought it was silly to have astronauts but no spaceship because direct quote "How can they get to space without a proper vehicle."

Trains

So about once a quarter my childhood girlfriends and I get together. We try to have one "big" adventure once a year. About 1 year ago we went to NYC for a Food Tour. We took the train from New Haven to Grand Central. We had the most incredible day. Lots of good food, shopping for food and really incredible friends. It was a 3 hour tour. The 3 hour tour should have been our first hint that this was not going to be a perfect day.

It was the end of the day and we were pretty tired, so we hailed a cab a headed back to Grand Central to catch a train back to CT. I know that it is expected to have an insane drive in any cab and especially a NYC cab but this was by far the most insane ride I have ever had.

We somehow ended back at the train got out of the cab and kissed the ground.

We head to the train and get into the end train because we are just to tired to walk anymore. The conductor is a trip, he's singing, dancing and just seems like an all around nice guy. So he has us all laughing and we realize we are just having a fantastic time!!

The train leaves the station and there are me, my 3 friends, an older gentleman going to work in New Haven, another man with his guitar going there to see his daughter and a teenage couple probably about 16years old.

We are sitting and enjoying the ride some of us trying to take a quick nap. All of a sudden there is the most horrid smell I have ever smelled and our happy go lucky conductor comes running to the back. He is no longer joking and looks as pale as a ghost. The train has stopped.

Sitting in the car in front of us our two very young naval crew. They can't be more than 18. They stand up and follow the conductor. He hands them flashlights and they all leave the train.

Now remember we are at the very back of the train.

After they left the train they must have gone up front and a few minutes later we can see the flashlights at the back of the train. There are now police and state troopers all over the place by this time. They were fairly far back but I could see them covering something. We realize what has happened, a person was struck by the train. What a deep sinking feel I had when I realized what really happened, between the smell and watching them cover. It was just sickening.

The navy guys get back on the train and go to seat in their seats. All of a sudden Miss Connecticut appears and asks these boys if she could get her picture with them and whips out her sash. Talk about surreal.

By this point we have started talking with the people in our car. The guy with the guitar has been in this situation before and was stuck on a train for quite some time. The other guy is the coroner and realizes he'll be seeing this when he gets to work. The kids have moved up because we wouldn't let them look out the window.

About 2 hours later they are able to bring another train along and allowed to board it to get back to New Haven.

We found out later that it was a woman who was hit and that she had committed suicide. I feel so very sad for her and her family to get to a point like that.

It was definitely an experience I will never forget. Something like that really puts things in perspective.

And to top it all off a few months later I'm at a country fair and Miss Connecticut is there giving a "speech".

Doggie Visits

As a "favor" to friends we watch their pets when they go away so their furry members of their families do not need to go into a kennel. They get the feeling of life with two young boys which I would imagine helps them appreciate their quiet home life when they leave us.

I say this is a favor to my friends but it's really my way of having a dog without out really having a dog. I guess kind of like what grandparents say, "They love having them but they go home to their parents." I do ask my friends when they will be going away so I know when our next pup friend will be here. I also secretly wish they will ask if we can permanently keep the furry friend.

Our latest guest is a our dignified Lola, a Shar Pei. She is very sweet tempered except when it comes to our permanent family member Kitty Nine. She has found a special place in her heart for my youngest. She tries to sneak in his toddler bed at night and while he was sick she would scratch at his door if he coughed. I also found H snuggled with Lola on her bed after he sneaked out of his own bed. Oh, how a boy needs a dog (not just his Mom).

Security

I need a dog. I am a dog person. A dog person without a dog. A dog person who watches everyone elses dog just to get my doggie fix. Do you realize what life is like for a dog person with no dog, it's like a fish living on land. I need a dog.

Success

So one of my goals this year was to cook better meals for the family and to cut costs while doing so.

I work long hours and and my commute takes quite a bit of my time so I wanted to be able to utilize the slow cooker and get rid of those canned soups. I am happy to say I had a very successful week.

Success #1

Monday I cooked Peking Pork Chops and they were quite yummy, instead of rice I made couscous using chicken broth. I had leftover pork chops from this dinner and was able to make Pot Stickers. I can't get over how good these were. I am never going to another Chinese restaurant again. I had saved the sauce from the Peking Pork Chops and reduced it for dipping the Pot Stickers. Also I took the pork chops and put them and the veggies into a food processor then made the won tons. Very simple!! I was able to make three meals (pot stickers were enough for two meals) for all under $10.


Success #2

Friday I had a 5 pound whole chicken and put it into the slow cooker with one chopped onion and a few carrots, seasoned with pepper and added 1 cup of chicken broth, threw it on low and let it go. By dinner time I had a delicious cooked chicken and chicken broth for soup (I'm going to freeze for another day). I have enough chicken leftover that I will make a great Chicken Pot Pie. I know I'll have enough leftovers for another meal or lunch. Another 3-4 meals for under $10.
Edit- I was bale to make two chicken pot pies and Brian and I would get 3 meals from them each so we actually had 7 meals for under $10.

Disclaimer-These amounts pertain only to the two adults in our house. Neither of my children will eat anything I make unless it's grilled cheese or alphabet soup.

So Why Sea Stars?

"Sea stars are famous for their ability to regenerate limbs, and in some cases, entire bodies."

I've been thinking a lot about my friends from over the years. I've been friends with a lot of very different individuals but there are a very few that have remained close friends. The ones that have remained are wonderful and beautiful human beings.

These are the people that I am amazed by, inspired by and hold very near to my heart. One of the reasons I remain friends with them is because of their strength and courage and some days I wish and pray I can be like them.

Many of these friends that have encountered "difficult" times but they all met these challenges head on, and they never let anything defeat them. I truly believe that these people can accomplish everything and anything they want and need too. They all know who they are, even if they don't realize it today.

I see my friends resilient as the sea star. A sea star is able to regenerate parts of them when they are torn part. When times are “difficult” I have seen my friends regenerate the part of them was lost and grow even stronger.

I’m proud and honored to have these friends.

It's all over (deep sobs)

I am so blaming this on Brian. It was he who started the conversation last night about when we put Alex in the "big boy" bed. Hunter still sleeps in a crib which keeps him contained. He and Alex share a room, H in a crib and A in the bed.

I just put H down for his nap and the next thing I hear is the ptter patter of little feet. I look behind me and there with the biggest grin there every was is H. I carry him back to his crib and he quickly climbs out again. He put back one more time and leave the room. He hear him scamper out and jumps into big brothers bed. He now thinks he's the coolest thing since freakin sliced bread.

So it's all over, H has now found his freedom.

Oh yeah, Happy New Year!